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Halloween Shockers: Ask Humor Boy
Friday, October 25 :: 1:55 a.m. :: permalink

1. What is your favorite scary movie?

Alfred Hitchcock's "Rear Window" (1954). I've always been fascinated by peeping Toms. Especially the ones who leave twenties in my tips snifter.

2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?

A donut with a bite out of it. Mmm, I love the yummy goodness! When I stick 'em in the bags, the kids get cranky, though.

3. Do you dress up for Halloween?

Sometimes. I go as everybody's favorite movie character: Man #3.

If so, describe your best Halloween costume.

My best was probably my first. I was tiny, two-and-a-half, and Mom cut eye holes into a pillowcase. I went as a pillowcase with eye holes.

I can still fit into it, too, but I haven't worn it since our wedding.

4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?

I generally avoid anything that might deplete my urine supply a week early and cause dust. That includes haunted houses and fabulous dinner parties with David and Liza.

5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?

No, but I'll accessorize with a parsley garnish.


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved. Questions posed courtesy FridayFive.org.

Top 13 Little-Known Hannibal the Cannibal Lecter Morsels
Tuesday, October 22 :: 10:51 a.m. :: permalink

13. He's a leg man.

12. Serves nudists with dressing on the side.

11. Likes the tomatoes on a tossed Sally.

10. Best dip: the Fat Free Blanche.

9. Best dish: Dictator Tots.

8. Best lunch: Vegetable Soupy Sales and pies.

7. Holds pinkies out when he lips a Manwich.

6. Says sniveling cowards make tasty chicken fingers.

5. Plays with his food: Enjoys a good Scrabble hand, and Jacks.

4. Last dinner and a movie: The Three Faces of Eve and some movie.

3. Cool snack: Munch a bunch of free toes and Pop's corns.

2. Favorite wine: Baby Pool, 1986.

And the number one little-known Hannibal the Cannibal Lecter morsel:

He sees you when you're steeping. He knows when you're a cake.


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.

Boob Tube: Ask Humor Boy
Sunday, October 20 :: 12:59 p.m. :: permalink

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?

Seven. Eight when RuPaul drops in.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?

Fifteen hours. If you count this computer screen, which is like a TV, 85. If you count mirrors, 112. If you count Rupaul, 112.

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?

Not if they're snacking on green vegetables.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?

"Chest Pain Repair 101," "Cardiomyopathy Macramé," and "Everybody Loathes Infarctions."

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
 
  7:30 - "Popeye and Some Very Large Breasts"

  8:00 - "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter and Some Very Large Breasts"

  8:30 - "I Love Lucy and Some Very Large Breasts"

  9:00 - "60 Minutes and Some Very Large Breasts"

10:00 - "Law and Order Some Very Large Breasts"

10:30 - "Some Very Large Breasts and Some Very Large Breasts"

11:00 - "News, Weather, Sports Bras"


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved. Questions posed courtesy FridayFive.org.

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