THE MIKE DURRETT SHOW 

Today's Episode:
It's a Wonderful Furb
or
St. Elmo's Fired

Dateline: 12/11/98
Updated: 07/28/01

I remember my gifts from Christmas mornings, growing up during the Eisenhower and Kennedy years. Oh, sure, we didn't have much money and I was presented with far less expensive knock-offs for my requested Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot, Silly Putty, and yo-yo. Just the same, I was thankful for the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Donut, and the Frilly Patty Melt, and the Ho-Ho with the string wound around it.

If I were growing up today, I'm sure I would be making do with a Pickle Me Wino, or a cabbage patch cabbage, or Mighty Morphin Bacon Grease Drippings.

All of us good boys and girls were taught not to be greedy and to appreciate whatever we got. If I didn't get the exact items on my list, it was not because my family or Santa didn't try, and it was not the end of the world either. For this current generation, all that seems to have changed.

I don't understand the wild frenzied dashes for chic toys we've seen over the past few years -- Cabbage Patch Dolls, Tickle Me Elmo, and Beanie Babies to name several. Moms and Dads seem very afraid not to give tomorrow's broken, neglected garage sale fodder to their tots.

I say this with a wise, caring heart, of course, and you shouldn't trouble yourself with the mere fact I have no children and I'm a grown-up and I can buy me whatever I want whenever I want it. Ha, ha ha, suckers!

And now, kids, the new idolized status symbol has arrived -- a cutesy, shaggy, big-eyed talking doll with trainable memory and a vocabulary of 200 words. Meet the Furby.

"Well, hello there, Mr. Furby," I said.

He said, "U-nye may-may doo-a loo-loo. Doo-moh ah-may kah."

"No sir, not in my truck!" I was adamant.

Then I flipped through a Furbish dictionary. Translated, the critter had said, "You love fun joke. Please pet me."

Well, I must tell you, I blushed. My embarrassment was boundless. I had jumped to conclusions. After all, it's true. I do love fun joke. I'm the Humor Guide for goodness sakes. I forget sometimes. Then I remember. It's all quite mystical, really.

I smiled, bowed, and petted the little fella on his back.

"You bite," he said.

I think that means "feasts on life to its fullest." I'll look it up later.

Well, as you might imagine, I was eager to learn more. I clicked on my computer and read "The Story of Furby." The best I can decipher their scriptures, the Furbies lived in outer space on a Furbyland cloud, where they hung out together on the edge and "into the future they could peek; all day long they would dance and sing, Furbies could do most anything."

My god, it sounds like every Prince video ever made.

The animals decided to drop down to Earth, playing follow the leader one-by-one. "They were 'mee-mee/noo-loo,' 'e-tah/e-tah' for they had come to 'no-lah' with 'u-nye' and 'kah.'" --Exodus 12:29

Don't look at me. I haven't a clue.

We can always use them to cook the fries.

Well, anyway, Furby is a hit. Good luck trying to locate one in the stores. You may have better success finding Furby funnies on the Web. To help, I've gathered together several humorous sites into a fresh Net Links category called -- go ahead, take a guess.

I'll wait.

The correct answer is Furby Funnies. You were exactly right. Very good.

From our latest collection, I've highlighted several excerpts below. In addition, remember to visit Furby Funnies for more Web pointers already in place, and as they become available.

Amazing Furby Mania, The
An explanation of the toy that "looks sort of like a cross between an ewok and something your cat might cough up," explained by the proprietor of Joe Lavin's Humor Column.

Furby Autopsy
An actual, creepy case history, reported by phobe.com, plus handy how-to tips so you can fulfill all your Furby skinning and gutting needs.

Furby Postcards
Yes, thanks to Furby.com, you can send a fuzzy Furby photo with a phrase, like "Me love you" or "Tickle me!" You go ahead. I'm waiting for "I nauseous."

Top Ten Shocking Facts about Furbys
From Late Show with David Letterman.

Virtual Tickle Me Elmo
One of our earliest Humor's Daily Surprise sites featured the jolly red goofball. Well, surprise, Elmo! You're no longer the hot toy. Now you know how Jenny McCarthy feels.

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About your Guide: Mike Durrett enjoys extending sincere best wishes for the holidays. He also likes depilating his Furby.

For future reference, the permanent URL of this article is http://humor.about.com/library/weekly/aa121198.htm.

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